Norwegian TV show Uti Vår Hage on the incomprehensibility of the Danish language

There's a classic video on YouTube from a Norwegian show called Uti Vår Hage that makes fun of the Danish language and its incomprehensibility of the Danish language for other Scandinavians, saying that now the problem has gotten so bad that even Danes can't understand each other. I've included it in a post before but since it's English with Norwegian subtitles I thought I would type it out too. First the video:



Then the dialogue. The subtitles don't represent exactly what was said in English so take note of that, and because of that I haven't been all that exacting with writing out the English part either. You'll notice that all the swears are gone in Norwegian.

English	Norwegian
The Danish language has always been impossible to understand for most Scandinavians.	Dansk har alltid vært umulig å forstå for de fleste skandinaver.
But in recent years it has been impossible for us to understand in Denmark too.	Men i det siste er det også blitt umulig å forstå for oss dansker.
So, for me, the Danish language has collapsed into meaningless, guttural sounds.	For meg er det danske språket bare blitt (til) meningsløse, gutterale lyder.
For example, the other day I had a problem with my bicycle; I had a flat tire.	Her om dagen hadde sykkelen min punktert.
I had to go into a traditional Danish isenkram store.	Jeg gikk inn i en tradisjonell, dansk isenkramforretning.
And when I came in, I didn't even remember the Danish word for "hello".	Men da jeg kom inn, visste jeg ikke engang det danske ordet for "hei".
I didn't understand anything of him, so I just repeated what he said.	Jeg forstod ikke noe, så jeg gjentok det han sa.
I didn't know what the fuck syggelekokle was, so I just gave him some tape-rests(?).	Jeg visste ikke hva syggelekokle var, så jeg gav ham noen teip-rester.
I don't know what he gave me, but it was wrong.	Aner ikke hva han gav meg, men det var feil.
So then I just had to take a wild shot and I said the word kamelåså.	Jeg måtte ta en sjanse, så jeg sa ordet kamelåså.
I didn't know what kamelåså was. In general I must say it's not easy to run an isenkram store when nobody knows what those things are called.	Jeg visste ikke hva kamelåså var. Det er ikke lett å drive en isenkramforretning når ingen vet hva ting kalles.
He gave me a file, but then I had no choice; I just had to take it.	Han gav meg noe feil. Men jeg måtte bare ta det.
Then I got a bit desperate and I really tried to reach through to him, but he just became afraid of me.	Jeg ble desperat og prøvde virkelig å nå gjennom til ham. Da ble han redd.
Help! We don't understand each other!	Hjelp! Vi forstår hinanden (hverandre) ikke!
You work as a milkman?	Du jobber som melkman?
Yes, I sell and deliver milk, yes.	Jeg selger og leverer melk, ja.
The isenkramer has been claiming that you fooled him into ordering 1000 litres of your milk?	Isenkrammannen påstår at du lurte ham til å kjøpe over 1000 L melk?
Yeah, maybe. And so fucking what? I need to make a fortune out of this communication problem.	Kanskje det? Og hva så? Det er mulig jeg tjener en formue på dette!
But I mean, who's to blame? I need money. I have three cows to feed.	Men hvem har skylda? Jeg trenger pengene. Jeg har tre kuer å fø på.
What did you just say there?	Hva sa du?
Now you just ordered 1000 litre(s of) milk.	Nå bestilte du nettopp 1000 L melk.
I knew the file costed 86 crowns but the Danish number system is very complicated, so I just said something.	Filen kostet 86 kr. men danske tall er så kompliserte, så jeg bare sa noe.
He said the price, but I have no idea what number he said, so I just held out the money.	Han sa en pris, men jeg ante ikke hva det var.
If nothing is done, the Danish society will collapse.	Hvis ikke noe blir gjort, vil det danske samfunn(et) kollapse.
It's not a question of if. It's a question of when. We need help.	Det er ikke et spørsmål om hvis, men når. Vi trenger hjelp.
Please help us. I want to write an appeal to the United Nations and the international community.	Vær så snill! Hjelp oss! Jeg vil rette en appell til FN og verdenssamfunnet.
Please help us! We need help now. We're desperate.	Hjelp oss! Vi trenger hjelp nå.
No, no no. We don't need any help. Of course.	Nei, nei! Vi trenger ikke hjelp!
This is going all just so fine. Don't...(?) Leave us alone, please. Let's handle this ourself.	Dette går så fint, så. La oss være i fred. Dette klarer vi selv!