The Onion on a sudden reversion to Anglo-Saxon sentence structure

The Onion just released a short piece of fake radio news on a sudden reversion to a more Anglo-Saxon sentence structure for English.



And to make it easier for people to parse, here's the script. Someone more familiar with Anglo-Saxon will be able to tell how accurate this is. This syntax resembles modern Persian quite a bit.

Rules grammar change, English traditional replaced to be new syntax. The Onion Radio News it's Redland Doyle I'm. The U.S. Grammar Secretary that no more will rules English follow announced today, the changes verbs, verb clauses and adjectives placing involved frequent with random shuffling or elimination conjunctions and prepositions of. Grammar Secretary to according:

Is mood structure loosely on obscure 800-year-old pre-Medieval Anglo-Saxon syntax based.

This week beginning America across, all dictionaries, highway signs and other books or objects writing upon revised to fit new syntax will be.